Monday, February 16, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
If you thought about it you knew it was only a matter of time. Sooner or later the insane Dr Xombie, experimenter extraordinaire would figure out a way to render walking dead flesh eater invisible. He did this by several methods. A group of invisible zombies was eventually attained. Dr Xombie started by infusing highly contagious viruses with the chromatophores from cuttlefish and the pigmented skin of chameleons. Then zombies were infected with the viruses and the ability to change skin color was thereby transferred. Using combination of electroshock therapy and poisonous gases as well a punishment reward system, the good doctor taught some zombies to camouflage themselves by taking on the coloration of their surroundings. A select group of chameleon zombies were given even more stringent and even more arcane treatment and eventually they learned to display whatever pattern of light that appeared behind the zombie on his front. Dr Xombie had to do ground breaking work on the theory that skin cells can detect light naturally without any manipulation at all.
The advanced zombies could either camouflage themselves or render themselves completely invisible depending on whims or need.
Since zombies are dead, walking dead, they did not show up on infrared. Humans who survived invisible zombie attacks did so by relying on sound and the movement of objects in the vicinity of the zombies.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
In an alternate universe, Dr Zomby is a virologist. He captures zombies and performs viral experiments on them. Dr Zomby once saw a presentation on what would be required to make fire breathing dragons real. Intrigued, Dr Zomby captures some sturdy young zombies, and begins experimenting on some viruses and injecting them into the young walking dead. The virus makes the skin of the young zombies rough and scaly. They begin to take on the appearance of lizard men.
Next Dr Zomby introduces viruses that incorporate exotic platinum compounds into the cells of the young zombies. After many failures and many dead, scaly zombies who puked metal and died, at last Dr Zomby was successful. For reasons known only to the doctor and perhaps satan, Dr Zomby unleashes fire breathing zombies on the world. Hell just got worse.
It almost goes without saying that a guy who calls himself: Dr Zombie the Walking Dead Whisperer, will have a habit of strapping zombies down to chairs and shoving electrodes deep into their virus infected brains.
Dr Zombie new it was going to be a bad day when he awoke in gore. He was not sure whose gore it was--though he had his suspicions. He knew the captured walking dead zombie did not put the gore there. The creature was still quietly struggling against it's bonds in the laboratory.
It would have been a convenient conceit for Dr Zombie to tell himself he could not remember how it all happened but with just a little effort the memories where crystal clear. Dr Zombie has always wanted to know what it felt like to actually be a zombie without being a zombie. And so he pulled the nerve impulses directly out of that walking dead wretch and piped it into his own brain.
Well, Dr Zombie thought, I hope I killed the help and not my own family. Even during a dystopian Zombie Apocalypse, what authorities there were then to frown on slaughtering your own family.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
He called himself Dr Death and he conferred upon himself a doctorate in the study of zombies. He was then fully aware of the prohibition against zombie on zombie violence when he violated his first zombie. Dr Death thought the the Zombie Apocalypse was the perfect excuse to work on perfecting mankind. The only problem was that zombies ate people who were perfectly healthy. What was needed was a change. The zombies needed to eat sick people and leave healthy folks alone. This would mean that zombies would eat each other but that part couldn't be helped. When Dr Death's rain of terror was complete he was certain that the rain of error--the original Zombie Apocalypse--would be perfected. The first wave of zombies he dispatched sought out hospitals and everyone who was not healthy. While the sick eating zombies where about their father's business Dr Death perfected the second wave of zombies. The second wave would detect genetic anomalies and promptly eat anyone who had them.
The third wave would take a little AI to make sure they found the correct victims. The third wave attacked anyone who wore glasses, or carried a cane, or had an ear piece or who had contact lenses or a toupee or even a wig. A fake leg would get you eaten by third wave zombies.
Only the uninjured and the genetically perfect were left to repopulate the earth. The final zombies left ate each other. Before that happened, Dr Death left his laboratory and let the zombies feast upon him. He wore glasses, had a congenital heart defect and had even more problems that he did not care to think about.
Friday, February 6, 2015
Don't lie there like you're dead.
Give your favorite human that gift that says: You'd eat her brain all over again.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Yeah, I am not really sure where this thing came from or where it's going.
I suppose that if you consider zampires keep both humans and zombies as slaves, maybe a slaver that takes humans could wear a T-Shirt that says: My other human is a zombie. Of course zampire slavers either sell their humans to other zampires or turn the human into a zombie and then the zombie into meat. No zampire in his right mind would have human servants. Every human knows that eventually a zampire will feed him to a zombie. This does not inspire employee loyalty.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
Some humans got tired of being hunted by zampires and then being turned into zombies so that zampires could feast on fresh zombie meat. Some human scientists decided to even the score. They took advantage of one behavior that was never observed in zombies. They never ate one another. They only ate humans. And at that, they only ate healthy humans. So a group of human scientists decided to do a little experimentation of their own. They engineered a virus that would disrupt the the T-cell, zombie virus. In the ensuing chaos the doubly infected zombies would bite anything that moved.
The mad scientists were very proud of their laboratory shenanigans until they tried to enlist the aid of other normal humans to play this prank on the zampire. Ordinary humans pointed out what should have been painfully obvious. If the zombies ate one another, they would leave less food for the zampires. This would increase the raids of zampires on humans not decrease them.
The scientists went back to the drawing board. But before they did they hired a bounty hunter. The bounty hunter would do just about anything for money. The scientists paid the bounty hunter to bring back a zampire, in chains and alive. And they wanted a live zombie too. The scientists quickly decided to remove the immunity zampires had enjoyed from zombies attack. To zombies, zampires were infected with a fatal disease. The disease was a like a mutated version of the zombie virus. What was needed the scientists surmised was to infect all zombies everywhere with an overwhelming hunger to eat zampires and nothing else....
Eat Zombies Before They Eat You
Eat Zombies Before They Eat You
It would be nice to have a way to kill zombies that renders them tasty. How about pickling? We fill up one of those old fashion, hand pumped fire engines with vinegar. Then we spread some brainz on a fire hose and drop it near the zombie. He will have to put it in his mouth just to investigate. At this point we pump him full of vinegar until his eyeball pop out. Pickled zombie! Dinner is served.
Eat Zombies Before They Eat You